Siblings

I have a LOT of siblings.  And then I have siblings-in-law.  :-)   My children have siblings and my husband has siblings.  If I've counted right, I have 17 siblings/siblings-in-law (8 siblings & 9 in-laws).
I got to thinking about all of this after talking to one of my sisters this morning.Growing up, I *hated* having such a big family.  It was the source of much harassment from people outside the family.  At the same time, I *loved* having siblings so close in age.  I almost always had someone to play with and hang out with.
There is 17 years between the oldest and youngest.  The biggest gap between children is 4 years.  The smallest is 15 months (if I've figured it correctly).  There are the "older" kids and the "younger" kids.  There were *huge* differences in how the family functioned through the years.  With the "older" kids, things were chaos, strict, not always very happy.  Along side that, we had family prayer *every*. *single*. *day*.  Mornings- Dad woke us up and we were expected to be in the living room by 6:30 for family prayer.  It was a good habit!  And with only 1 bathroom and 11 people, getting up 2 hours before school was necessary if you were going to get ready in time!!  Evenings- Unless you were gone for sports or other school activity, you were expected to be home and in the living room for family prayer.  Since I am in the "older" bracket, I can only go on what I've been told happened after I left home.  According to several siblings, family prayers stopped sometime soon after the 3 oldest left home.  Things smoothed out and lessened as far as the strictness and chaos around that time, too.  2 or 3 years after I left, our parents had a turning point in their marriage and things got a lot better between them as well as with the children still at home.  To a point.  One sibling has reported having no good memories of childhood.  That sibling is in the "younger" group and I haven't been particularly close with them.
And that is one of my biggest regrets.  I've not taken the time to become closer to all of my younger siblings.  I think part of it is that I had a lot of resentment because, as the oldest girl in the family, I felt a LOT of burden of responsibility growing up.   Leaving for college was a release.  I only had myself to think about.  It was something I had never experienced before.  With 6 younger siblings, the next in age being almost 3 years younger than me, and a Mom who worked outside the home, I changed a LOT of diapers, made dozens of dinners and spent a lot of hours babysitting for free.  I was resentful that I was expected to take on all that instead of being a child.  It wasn't my siblings fault, but I think my relationship with them was different than it could have been.
I do have great memories from childhood.  We almost always cut down our own Christmas tree and there was one year that we took our old-style, metal runner sleds up with us.  While Mom drove the van with everyone else, Dad and my oldest brother got on the sled and rode down the mountain road.  It looked like so much fun to do!!  And we had fun just watching them!  Then there was the wrestling.  I know this is going to sound weird but...........  Some nights, when we were kneeling down for prayer, one of us kids would come up behind Dad (who was already kneeling) and tackle him.  Then everyone else would join in and it would become one big wrestling match.  It was fun.  It's a good memory.
I noticed a lot of changes over the years after I left home.  When I would go back to visit, there were certainly changes in the rules.  The younger siblings got away with things we older ones wouldn't have thought of doing for fear of punishment!  I don't know if it was a mellowing with age, being tired of keeping up the intensity, realizing some things just weren't working or just being worn down but my parents parenting style changed dramatically (and so has mine over the years so...............  I'm not saying it's bad, it just is).
All of these thoughts have led to thinking about my own children and how they interact with one another.  I know they are pretty typical children.  They get along great one minute and then are throwing punches the next.  If your children aren't like that, you're lucky.  Our children are quite spread apart in ages.  They are 4.5, 4 and 3.3 years apart.  We wanted them closer but the Lord knew what He was doing when He made us wait!!!  It's good to have a sane Mother.  From the beginning, Brandon has acted very much like the oldest.  He's a great kid.  He'll work hard when he has to, generally shows proper respect, helps out a LOT.  I have tried to be very careful over the years to not expect him to do my job.  I think he's changed maybe 2 or 3 diapers in his life!!  And once he actually asked if he could.  But he was 5 or 6 and didn't know any better.  LOL    When Jonah came along, Brandon was very helpful and loved doing things for/with his brother.  Then with Ronan, he was 8.  When Isabeau came along, he was almost 12.  He has been a huge help and with Brian gone, I do worry about asking too much of him now that he's 17, has a driver's license and a vehicle to drive.
As I've watched over the years, my children are a lot like me and my youngest siblings.  They occupy the same house but they are in such different stages of life that they have little in common.  I wanted my children closer in age because of my relationship with my brother just older than me.  We are 18 months apart in age and I was always closest to him.  He was my protector in many ways (and I'm still sorry about that bloody nose I gave him when I purposely hit him with a shoe).  I wanted my children to have that closeness.  But it wasn't to be.
One of the greatest things about growing up and leaving home is that my siblings all did, too!!!!  As we've gotten older, our relationships have changed.  My oldest brother and I actually like each other (most days) which was utterly unthinkable while growing up.  I have grown closer to several of my youngest siblings while my relationship with my "older" siblings have slackened.  I truly want to live closer to more of my siblings (but I refuse to move to Utah unless the Lord, Himself tells me to!!).  When it comes right down to it, your family is all you have and all you take with you into the next life.  Your house doesn't matter, your car, your "things", your status in the community, even your "status" in the Church, none of that matters.  My Uncle Wally described our family as being like chain-maille, we're all connected together in a mesh.  Take one ring out of that and it starts to fall apart.  When in-laws are added into the family, it should *add* to the chain-maille, not take a ring (sibling) out of that mesh.  Then you add our children to that and the mesh becomes bigger and stronger, more able to withstand the attacks of the outside world.
I've watched my Dad's family fall apart over the years.  I don't know why or exactly when it started but it was evidently long before I was born.  Over the years, he and his siblings have grown further and further apart.  To the point that when one of my cousins passed away, we didn't find out until 2 weeks later!!  After Grandma and Grandpa were gone, pretty much all contact was cut off.  I certainly don't want that to happen with me and my siblings.  When good things happen, when tragedy happens (because it will), I want to be one of the first people they think about calling.  I want to be there for them through it all.  I'm still working on how to make sure I encourage that kind of relationship to grow.  I know with a few of my siblings, I have that kind of relationship.  Now I just have to work on the others!